There's no agony in waiting

April 2 2012 (Monday)

My appointment is at 5pm to see my surgeon to discuss our options for biopsy.  Today, I got a message from my brother alih that he and dad had send me something through Western Union.  Having family support is something that makes you stronger and keeps you up on your feet even when its starting to fall off.  I tried to keep my mind off from the possibilities of having a cancer or even having one breast remove from my body. I just want to live as normal as possible.  I just want everything will stay the same as it is.


We went to the clinic only to find out after one hour of waiting that my surgeon wont be available because he needs to attend to an emergency surgery.  The waiting is draining my spirit thinking of what he is going to say when he sees the film, its torturing, getting another sleepless night.  This even led to a little argument with my husband because I complained of being not able to see the surgeon today.  He was raising his voice already as we were out of the clinic saying there's no point of seeing him today, that its okay to wait for another day.  Yes, damn it as I cried inside only if you know what am feeling.  I know my husband has a lot on his mind lately, especially if he has to a day or half day off from work just to be with me during my tests.  I know he is juggling with work and being with me.  I can see it on his face, how hard this is for him too.  My eyes started to get teary but am just holding it inside me, especially when he told me "There's no AGONY in waiting"....I wanted to tell him badly that I AM SCARED...

Sometimes the words we leave unspoken are the most important ones that should have been said . . .